And At The End I Got A Baby

Bed Rest #2

2012-01-26T14:13:00.001-06:00

So here we are again...preterm labor at 14 weeks. :(

I started having symptoms of labor this morning when I woke up (severe cramping, pelvic pain, pelvic pressure.) After talking with the nurse on the phone they decided I needed to be seen immediately. Everything is fine with the baby. The heartbeat was strong and steady (163) so we're very thankful for that! Dr. J did a culture to see if I have an infection that could be causing the labor but results take a week.

For now I am definitely having contractions and the baby is very low. My blood pressure was super high for me but I was also incredibly stressed. I've lost some weight but I'll be working to gain in the next few weeks. I'll be laying on my back at a 30 degree incline until 35-36 weeks in June. We're also starting weekly visits, I can take one 10 minute shower a day, I can eat meals at the table, and need an adult with me 24 hours a day to help with Annive and me.

We can't start medications to stop labor until the baby is viable at 24 weeks...10 weeks to go. I'll start weekly progesterone shots through home health at 16 weeks (2 weeks) to hopefully prevent any more labor.

We would appreciate any prayers, specifically for:
1. progesterone shots to work
2. the baby to make it to 24 weeks without further complications
3. help with Annive/people to stay with me
4. meals

We know God is going to take care of all of this, and this summer we'll be holding our sweet, healthy miracle baby #2!

18 Months

2011-10-06T13:12:00.007-05:00

Can Annive really be 18 months???

She had her 18 month checkup yesterday. She weighs 20 pounds 2 ounces (we finally got to 20!) and is 30 1/2 inches long. She's still very low percentage wise for weight but did move from 1.64% to 3% since her last appointment. For sure she'll be taller than me but I already expected to be the tiny one in the family. Probably the most exciting part of the appointment was she only needed an annual flu shot!

Developmentally, Annive has surpassed the 18 month goals. She can say 43 words; the doctor said 20 was the goal. She's putting 2 word sentences together; the doctor said this is a skill for 2-2 1/2 years old. Plus, she knows colors. She can't say all of them but can bring you the colored object when you ask for it. I'm so proud but promise not to be one of those annoying moms who always have to "one up" you with their own children.

Annive does have an antibiotic resistant infection that may require a referral to dermatology if it doesn't clear up in a week. We're trying a really strong medication now that will hopefully take care of all of it. The doctor also mentioned that there is the possibility Annive may have celiac disease (wheat allergy). The only symptom she has is poor weight gain but it's something to keep an eye on. The testing isn't that accurate for her age, and since she is slowly gaining we're not pursuing it now. I think she's fine.

As we were leaving the doctor's office, we were in the elevator with an elderly gentleman. He was talking to Annive, and she was playing Peek-A-Boo with him. He then said, "How old is she? Probably around 3?" I said, "No, she's 1 1/2." He replied, "I guess they didn't fix my eyesight today at my doctor appointment." I had to laugh. All of this about my tiny, 3% weight child.

Vacation!

2011-08-01T22:14:00.009-05:00

Scott, Annive, and I headed to Ohio and Tennessee for a week where we met my parents who flew. This was Annive's first major car trip; the longest one before this was 3 1/2 hours. Let's just say that she doesn't like to be strapped in since she can now walk/run. On the 2 days driving to Tennessee, I sat in the back middle seat (THE most uncomfortable seat ever) for all but 45 minutes. She did much better coming home; I suppose she knew what was coming and that the driving would eventually end.

While on vacation we saw my extended family, and this was also their first opportunity to see Annive in person. We were able to visit with Annive's Great-Great-Aunt Nevie in Ohio who gave Annive a beautiful baby afghan she had crocheted. In Tennessee we saw Annive's Great-Grandpa (Papaw), Great-Grandma (Mamaw), Great-Aunt Jo, Great-Uncle Wayne, Great-Uncle Ricky (Peanut), April, Chris, Kathy, Jordan, Dylan, and Willow (all 2nd and 3rd cousins). It was fun to watch Annive with all of them, and of course, she had them wrapped around her finger and ready to spoil her within 30 seconds. :)

Annive went to her first baseball game to watch the Reds play in Cincinnati. They won, unlike the Astros. She made it through a whopping 3 innings before we decided to leave. Really, Annive was only in the stands for the first half inning before my dad and Scott took turns walking around with her. We were hoping to get away from the heat and humidity in Houston but it was just as hot in Ohio as at home. Tennessee had cooler weather which was a nice change.

We enjoyed our trip, made lots of great memories, and had a lot of fun with family. Scott's already talking about a road trip for next summer!

In other news, Annive will have eye surgery on her left tear duct this Wednesday. Her surgery is now scheduled for 9:15 instead of 8:15. Her surgeon will probe her left duct open and insert a drainage tube that will be removed in 3 months. The surgery itself is 10-20 minutes but with anesthesia and recovery I expect we'll be there most of the day.

Several people have asked if there are any updates on my health. Right now the only update is that we're waiting for my next round of tests and results at the end of August. I finished my round of antibiotics for the possible infection that could be the cause of the elevated CA-125 level. I still feel great other than being tired from vacation and what I suspect was a cyst on my left ovary. I have a history of cysts and get them all the time, so it's not really a big deal. I'm expecting everything to be completely normal. I really want to be able to tell my oncologist, "See you next June!"

Cancer Free!

2011-07-13T19:28:00.005-05:00

So after 8 LONG days of waiting for results and calling my doctor twice to see if he had them, we finally got the official word that the biopsies were benign. We are thrilled by the news. I think we were already preparing for chemo in our heads although hoping for the best. What a great birthday present I gave my husband this year!!

I found out the reason it took 8 days to get the results back was because my doctor sent the biopsies to be tested 3 more times after the initial results. He thought it couldn't possibly not be cancer based on my CA-125 level, CT results, and cancer history. So, he wanted to be really really sure before he gave me the results (although I would have been happy with a phone call telling me the preliminary biopsy results were benign.)

So what's causing the highly elevated CA-125 level, and what are the mystery growths on my spine, liver, and kidneys? No clue. He said it could be an infection; it could be from the endometriosis and recent surgery; it could be nothing; it could be cancer that hasn't shown up yet. I don't really understand the last scenario because he ran the biopsies 4 times. I'll go back in a month for what I refer to as the MDA Cocktail: another round of blood work, CT scan, and possibly some biopsies depending on what the first 2 tests show. If my CA-125 level is the same or lower and the CT scan shows nothing remarkable, then I'll be officially cleared for the next year. If my CA-125 level is higher and the CT scan shows growths, then they'll do more testing, and I won't be cleared. So, obviously we hope for the first situation.

When my doctor told me he's pretty sure my cancer is back despite these biopsy results, I asked him if he missed me and wanted to see me more. I told him we could always get together for lunch in The Woodlands, his treat, if he really wanted to see me more often. He laughed, and I'm thankful I still have a sense of humor despite his persistence that the cancer is back. Maybe he doesn't want to get my hopes up? Or maybe he just can't understand how it's possible to have faith that it's not cancer despite what he tells me? I don't really understand his view on these test results but whatever, I'm thrilled that the biopsies were benign.

So we wait for the next round of tests in mid-August. Please continue to pray for us and that all of the tests would show NO cancer, NO growths, NOTHING abnormal. A friend said she's praying for an infection. An infection would be nice; they're easily treatable with antibiotics. I suppose it's all a matter of perspective.

CT Results

2011-07-05T14:37:00.007-05:00

This one's about me, not my sweet miracle, Annive.

So here we are with not great CT results. Again. The CT showed "suspicious growths and masses" on my liver, kidney, and spine. My CA-125 level is highly elevated (normal for me is around 10; mine's 600 today). So, now we wait for the biopsy results. We should hear something this week or early next week. We're hoping for negative biopsy results, benign growths, pretty much anything but cancer. On the bright side, I feel great and have no symptoms!

We've been down this road so many times. We get less than wonderful results, we have to call people and tell them (the worst job ever), we have hundreds and thousands of people praying. Sometimes the results show the cancer has returned; sometimes it's nothing. Every time we cling to the hope that God is trustworthy and faithful. He has been by my side from the first time I suspected I had cancer, through the highs and lows, from chemo #1 to chemo #4, through hair loss, weight loss, being classified as terminal, signing my will on Valentine's Day, planning my funeral, getting ready for hospice. I know He'll be by side through this part of the journey too.

Many people have asked: "How do you deal with it?", "How can you be so strong?", "Why did you get cancer?"

How do I deal with cancer? I suppose I deal with cancer one moment at a time, knowing that God is greater than cancer and can heal me if He chooses. I've met lots of people who have cancer, and I decided from the beginning to use my story to help others. I made the choice to try to encourage others instead of feeling sorry for myself. It's a daily choice, even when I get news I wasn't expecting.
How can I be so strong? I'm not as strong as people think; I'm just able to hold it together, most of the time, until there aren't people around. Plus, when everyone else is crying, someone has to keep it together.
Why did I get cancer? No clue. I've had lots of people give me their well-intentioned "theories" but I don't believe for a minute that it's anything other than we live in a fallen world with terrible diseases.

I'm reminded of the words to a song we sang in church this week. My favorite part is the chorus.

Give Me Faith
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life.

So my prayer is that I'll have the faith necessary for this part of the journey. It will end in a way where there's no mistaking it was God. We are so thankful for all of you who have prayed for us, and we appreciate all of your prayers. We love you!

Swimming

2011-05-23T21:46:00.006-05:00

Annive went swimming in her baby pool in our backyard this morning. It turns out she would rather walk in the water than on dry land. Maybe I should say she would rather run. She loved splashing, trying to get Bailey wet, playing with her toys, and talking to everything outside.

Annive's swimsuit is a rashguard two piece with the swim diaper lining, and we got the 6-12 month size since she's in 6-9 months clothes. The top fits perfectly. The bottoms, however, keep falling off. In theory, the swim diaper lining is wonderful, but I think she's going to have to wear a disposable swim diaper (hopefully it fits because the weight range is 16-26 pounds, and she's around 18 pounds now) under the bottoms just to keep them on. It was pretty humorous to watch her try to run in the pool with the bottoms of her swimsuit falling down around her knees.

In two weeks she'll start her first swim lessons. Well, really it's a Mommy and Me swim class. We're blessed to have one of the neighborhood pools right by our house, especially since we're a one car family, and Scott will be working for at least part of the summer. I'm planning on going to the pool every weekday that it's open so Annive can play.

Happy First Birthday, Annive Maura!

2011-04-10T07:11:00.010-05:00

Annive had a great first birthday! We had her party last weekend and were blessed to have many friends and family join us in celebrating her special day. I planned the theme around the Eric Carle book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Annive and I spent several weeks preceding the party making caterpillar decorations, and we were pleased with how they all turned out. Annive had cake for the first time, which she loved, and ice cream, which made her cry. Ice cream is Scott's favorite food, so I think he was a little disappointed that she didn't love it at first bite. She enjoyed the balloon pit, playing with other kids, and being the center of attention. I enjoyed watching her, although it was a little bittersweet to realize that my baby was turning 1.As for her weight, she is finally headed in the right direction with weight gain. She's still tiny and in the 2nd percentile but she's gaining and not just maintaining. At her 1 year checkup, we were released to visits every 3 months instead of monthly weight checks. Scott and I are so thankful for all the people who have prayed for us and her as we've battled for weight gain the past year.

I've discovered Annive is the outgoing, social, vocal child. We met a new friend, Lindy, who is 3 weeks older than Annive and her mom at the park across from our house this week. The first time they played together Annive crawled right over, started playing and smiling, and talked and talked and talked. Lindy watched while Annive was into everything. Annive talks to everything she encounters-stuffed animals, toys, food, Bailey, me, Scott, trees, flowers, dirt, books, the floor, windows, furniture, curtains, literally everything she sees. Scott says that Annive is more vocal than he is. And her new favorite game? Empty the bookshelf! She looks right at me, crawls towards the bookshelf while sometimes taking a detour to see if she can trick me into thinking she's not going to the bookshelf, and proceeds to take every book off the shelves. Literally, she can empty the entire thing in less than a minute, and as a former teacher, I have A LOT of books on those shelves. After she empties it, she sits down in the middle of her mountain of books and starts looking through the pages. At least she loves books!

11 Months

2011-03-08T18:32:00.003-06:00

Can she really be 11 months old?!? That means in less than a month Annive will be one. Time has flown these past 11 months.

Annive is crawling all over the house. This week she learned to walk/run with her stroller/walker and carries her baby all over the place. She has no fear and hasn't quite mastered the "watch where you're walking" skill. Poor Bailey has been run over several times by Annive.

She's also a lot more vocal now. Everything is still "Da" or "Ba" but she is using inflection in her voice. She often talks to her bunny and puppy in her crib when she's supposed to be sleeping.

As for Annive's weight, she gained 10 ounces in 7 weeks. Dr. R did a urine catheter test which came back showing small traces of blood (hematuria); however, the urine bag test was normal. So the blood in the urine was either a fluke, lab error, or caused by the catheter. We go back for a weight check on the 22nd.

Crawling

2011-01-28T20:18:00.004-06:00

Annive has mastered crawling forward on carpet, tile, and wood this week. It took her a little longer to figure it out on the tile and wood but she did it. Now she's chasing Bailey all over the place and trying to catch his tail. Bailey is in puppy heaven now that he has a playmate his own size.

She's also taken a few steps using her stroller/walker that Grandma and Grandpa gave her for Christmas. It's really cute watching her check on her baby. She leans over, looks at her baby, and pats her on the head. Then she'll push the stroller and take 2 or 3 steps.

This afternoon when I went to get Annive up from her afternoon nap, she was standing in her crib! I was so surprised, and I'm not sure how much napping went on this afternoon. So, Scott lowered her mattress this evening. It kind of makes me sad; I mean I'm thrilled that she's learning new things but sad that she's growing so quickly. Maybe sad isn't the right word but it's the best I can think of right now.

I'm creating learning stations for Annive to use during playtime. She will spend 10-15 minutes at each station, and I'll be talking with her about what she's doing. I'm trying to have stations that focus on a specific, developmentally appropriate skill. So far I've thought of the exersaucer (gross motor and hand/eye coordination), a library (hand/eye, fine motor), crawling maze (gross motor), play mat with hanging toys (reaching for toys, hand/eye), walking and standing with her stroller/walker (gross motor), pulling scarves and yarn from a wipes box (pincer grip, fine motor, hand/eye) and the outside garden (gross motor, hand/eye, science). This really makes me sound like an elementary school teacher! Any other ideas on activities or stations I could include for an almost 10 month old?

Christmas/New Year's/9 Months

2011-01-18T21:53:00.004-06:00

This is a marathon update because I haven't updated the blog recently. On the positive side, I am updating this before Annive turns 10 months!

We enjoyed our first Christmas with Annive. It was a lot of fun watching her with the Christmas lights, decorations, and presents. Actually, she really didn't care that much about the presents but the wrapping paper and bows were a huge hit! We celebrated Christmas in Mt. Pleasant with Scott's grandfather, Papa, who turned 93 in November. Scott's parents and his sister were also there to celebrate. Annive was the center of attention, and Papa loved holding her and watching her play. He kept saying, "She sure does wiggle a lot!" Unfortunately Annive had her first cold while we were gone but she was her normal, happy self.

"Fake" Christmas, what my sister called the Harville Christmas, was held after we got back from Mt. Pleasant/Tyler. My parents were there, my brother, my sister and brother-in-law who drove all the way from California, and 4 dogs. We sound like a verse from The Twelve Days of Christmas! Again, most of the attention was centered around Annive. Auntive attempted to give Annive her first bite of chocolate cake when we were decorating the Christmas tree cake.

Scott and I actually went out on New Year's Eve for the first time in a very long time (maybe the history of our marriage). My sister and brother-in-law, Richard and Sarah, were still in town. We went to dinner and then went bowling but like the "old" people we are, we were home before midnight. However, Bailey woke Annive up when he started barking at the garage door; then the fireworks kept her awake from 11:30 p.m.-2:30 a.m. It made me very grateful that Annive routinely sleeps 12 hours at night!

We had Annive's baby dedication at our church, NorthPlace Church, on January 2nd. Annive was beautiful, sweet, and lovely. I did not cry one time, and we enjoyed all of our family and friends who shared in that day with us. Thank you to each of you who were part of Annive's day!

Annive had her 9 month check up on January 5th and is doing well. She gained 5 ounces from her 8 month visit and weighs 15 pounds which puts her at 2.32%. She grew 1.25 inches in length and is 27 inches which puts her at 31.96%. Right now it seems like she'll be tall and thin like Scott's side of the family. Dr. R. is "watchful and concerned but no longer worried" about her weight. We are even able to wait 6 weeks before her next weight check! We also saw the pediatric ophthalmologist that same week. Dr. C. was very thorough and kind. Annive does not have any eye disease with her eyes but does have a blocked tear duct in the left eye. We're continuing eye massage twice a day for the next 3 months, and if her eye has not cleared up by the time she is 12 months, then we will look into surgery to open her tear duct and insert a drainage tube. Dr. C. said 90% of cases clear up on their own by the time the child is 12 months old. So, we're praying for her eye to clear by then.

Annive is crawling all over the place, although she still only goes backwards. Scott baby-proofed the house over his Christmas break because she's started trying to open cabinets and drawers. She's eating well and likes pretty much all foods she's tried. Annive loves Bailey; in fact he makes her laugh all the time. The rest of us work so hard to get her to laugh while Bailey can just run in the room, and she breaks out into hysterical laughter. It makes me laugh every time! Annive is pure joy and sunshine, and Scott and I are enjoying every last moment with our miracle.

8 Months

2010-12-09T22:04:00.007-06:00

Annive had her monthly weight check on Wednesday and has gained 10 ounces in 3 weeks. She now weighs 14 pounds 11 ounces and is in the 4th percentile for weight. She's 25.75 inches long and in the 10th percentile for length. Dr. R wants her to be in the 20th percentile for both weight and length, although I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to get her to grow longer. Dr. R wants us to add an extra feeding during the day which means she can't sleep longer than 1.5 hours for naps. Developmentally everything is perfect! We do have to see a pediatric ophthalmologist for her left eye. She's had a greenish/yellowish discharge from both eyes since she was born, and since the left eye hasn't cleared up on it's own, it's time to see a specialist. Dr. R thinks it's probably an issue with her tear duct, and we'll need to have it probed to open it. Annive won the hearts of all the nurses and doctors in the office. She played peek-a-boo with Dr. K, smiled at Dr. L, and let Dr. R hold her and show her off to the rest of the staff.

Annive has learned to crawl backwards on her stomach. She's also starting to pull up and taking some steps while someone holds her hands. Tonight when the Christmas tree lights came on, she started patting the reflection of the lights on the wood floors and blowing on them. My favorite thing is that she's learned to give kisses. I have waited a long time to get a kiss from my own child. Christmas is going to be so much fun this year!

Decorating

2010-11-27T07:04:00.006-06:00

Scott, Annive, Bailey, and I decorated the house for Christmas yesterday. Bailey ate leaves from the fall decorations we took down, tissue paper that we had used to wrap Christmas ornaments, pine needles from the tree, and berries from the garland. He also took anything he could and stockpiled it under the dining room table, his hiding spot when he's being naughty. Bailey at his finest. Annive tried to put ornaments in her mouth and grabbed them once they were on the tree. Her favorite ornaments are the sparkly ones. Her philosophy is the more sparkly, the better. Scott put ornaments on the lamp by the nativity scene so now it looks like it has earrings and used the "JOY" stocking hangers to spell "YO" on the top of the bookcase. I spent the day chasing Bailey, decorating while holding Annive, and trying to remember where we put things last year but couldn't thanks to chemo brain. I'll probably forget again next year too. Oh but the look on Annive's face when we turned the Christmas tree lights on after we finished decorating. Priceless. She grinned from ear to ear and sat by the tree looking at all the lights. Or maybe it was the disco ball ornament on the tree.

Thankful

2010-11-27T06:40:00.008-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

We celebrated our first Thanksgiving with Annive on Thursday at my parents' house with my parents and brother. Annive watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with Grandpa and watched the Cowboys football game in her football outfit with Uncle Andrew, Dad, and Grandpa. She had her first experience eating meat and seemed to like turkey. We all went around the table and said something we were thankful for this year. When it was Annive's turn my mom asked, "Annive, what are you thankful for?" Annive turned to me, smiled, and reached her hand out to me. I know she didn't understand the words in the question, but my heart melted when she did that. And I know she's thankful for me.

So here's my list of what I'm thankful for this year.
*Scott
*Annive
*Family
*Our church family at NorthPlace Church
*Friends
*My MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers)
*My health-cancer free for 1 1/2 years in December!
*Annive's good health
*Scott's job
*The ability to stay home with my daughter
*My ministry with cancer patients
*Teaching piano
*Bailey, our dog

Mom and Annive

Dad and Annive watching the Cowboys

Perfect

2010-11-16T20:24:00.008-06:00

Annive's appointment went great today! When the nurse weighed her, she was 14 pounds 1 ounce, a 13 ounce gain from last Tuesday. Since she is now around the 3rd percentile for her weight and doesn't seem to still be in a plateau, we did not have to do the urine catheter test!! Dr. R said everything looks completely normal and unless there is an issue with her weight again, there's no need for further testing. We do have to continue weight checks every month and need to supplement with 12 ounces of formula each day but that's not really a big deal. Her lab work was also normal; some of her levels look a little off but I found out the lab reports them using the adult scale so the doctor has to modify the results using an infant scale. Her thyroid levels (the thing I was most concerned about because of my own thryoid condition) was absolutely perfect. We are so thankful for the great results today and for all of the prayers and support from so many.

Essentially Normal

2010-11-12T13:40:00.004-06:00

The nurse called with Annive's lab results today and said they are "essentially normal." I asked what that meant because to me, essentially normal means something was not normal. She explained that usually it means a level came back abnormal but not alarmingly abnormal so the doctor considers it normal. So, we're thankful for these results and glad that a lot of things have been ruled out.

Annive is scheduled for a urine catheter test and office visit on Tuesday morning. We have to keep a food diary from today through Tuesday to bring to the appointment. At her appointment I'm finding out exactly what essentially normal means, and we'll discuss the next steps to determine the cause of her weight problem.

Now we're back to waiting again and praying that all results will be completely normal.

Weight Check - The Long Version

2010-11-09T20:25:00.011-06:00

Annive had her weight check this morning to follow up on the percentile loss from 4 to 6 months. Unfortunately it didn't go as well as I had hoped. The good news is that developmentally, Annive is exactly where she should be for a 7 month old and that isn't even taking into account being a preemie! Her heart and lungs sound good, and she's not showing symptoms of failure to thrive. The bad news is that she isn't gaining weight. At 4 months she was in the 14th percentile for her weight; at 6 months she had dropped to the 4th percentile. The weight check today showed that she now weighs 13 pounds 4 ounces, a 4 ounce gain from 6 months, but has dropped to the 2nd percentile in weight.

The doctor is very concerned at this point, not because Annive is small but because the rate of weight gain has decreased significantly in the past 3 months. Dr. R said this means there is some underlying cause to the weight loss. So, now we're trying to find out what is causing this. Annive had lab work done after her appointment today to check her thyroid (since I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis), a CBC, and a comprehensive metabolic panel. Dr. R said the CBC is to check for anemia, and the metabolic panel is to check for autoimmune diseases and/or inflammatory diseases. The results from these 3 blood tests will help rule things out and hopefully point the doctor in a direction for further testing. If these come back normal, then I think Annive will have a urine test with a catheter. We should have results tomorrow and hopefully a plan.

Lab work was awful. They needed 3 vials of blood but Annive doesn't weigh enough to get 3 full vials. As the phlebotomist said, "They're going to have to share. She can't give this much blood at her weight." Last time Annive had blood work she was having her bilirubin level checked, and they used her heel which is what I was expecting this time as well. Wrong! I had to restrain Annive and keep her still, one phlebotomist held her arm perfectly straight, and the other inserted the butterfly needle into her arm to fill the vials. They couldn't find a vein, so they were digging around in her arm and had to stick her 4 times before they could finally get a good vein. It took every bit of my strength to not cry. As I said, awful.

From the first appointment with Dr. R, she's been honest with us. She has a lot of experience, is a mother herself, and has a great bedside manner. When another doctor noticed the crease at the base of Annive's spine and said there was a possible issue with it, Dr. R told me not to worry because her experience said that it was just a crease. Today Dr. R said that "this is something you need to be concerned about."

So we are praying for an answer tomorrow, for no more tests, for whatever it is to have a simple and painless cure. Regardless of the outcome, we are blessed.

Halloween

2010-11-03T10:43:00.012-05:00

It's hard to believe Annive will be 7 months old on Friday! It seems as though I was just lying in a hospital bed wondering if she was EVER going to come.

Annive is now a pro at eating solid foods. She loves acorn squash, sweet potatoes, apples, pears, peaches, and bananas. She hates rice cereal. She'll eat avocados and green beans but only if they're mixed with one of the foods she loves.

She has learned to sit up by herself, although sometimes she gets so excited playing with her toys that she topples over. She's also learned how to roll from her back to her stomach. We discovered this after a nap. We heard her crying, and then it sounded really muffled. Scott went to check on her and she had flipped over to her stomach.

Annive goes for a weight check next Tuesday. The doctor was a little concerned because her weight had dropped from the 14th percentile to 4th percentile in 2 months. We're hoping that starting solid food will help her gain back enough weight. Scott and I aren't that concerned at this point; we figure she will be petite like me.

We celebrated Annive's first Halloween with a Trunk or Treat at our church, NorthPlace. Our trunk was decorated as a garden with tissue paper flowers, a flower pinwheel, wind chimes, grass, grass buckets filled with candy, and Annive, who was dressed as a flower. I was a gardener, and Scott was the photographer. We enjoyed watching her try to eat the flowers, grab at the grass, and put everything she could into her mouth. Holidays are a lot more fun with our own child.

Annive's First Halloween

At the beginning of October, Annive, my mom, and I went to Nancy Brinker's book signing for her new book, Promise Me: How a Sister's Love Launched the Global Movement to End Breast Cancer. In this book there's a story about Maura de Souza, my friend who died of sarcoma in 2009. She was the one who told me before she died that I was left here to be mom. I'll be honest--I really didn't care about reading the book and wouldn't have purchased or read it if Maura wasn't in it. When I received the book in the mail, I found the part about Maura and read it out loud to Annive. The book was interesting, and I learned how one of the chemotherapy drugs I took to treat ovarian cancer was found because of research done by the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure foundation. We are blessed.

6 1/2 months

Photo/Video Update

2010-10-10T10:51:00.010-05:00

Annive has now started eating solid foods, though I am not sure how much actually goes down. She did not like the rice cereal very much but seems to enjoy avocado better:

Annive loves swinging on the porch swing!

Annive & Daddy

swinging at the park

Sitting up all by herself!

Five Months

2010-09-03T11:56:00.013-05:00

Annive will be 5 months old on Sunday. We can't believe how quickly time has flown since Annive's birth!

Tummy Time!

She had her first play date on Thursday with a high school friend's son who is 2 months older. They were adorable with their "conversations" to each other, and he made her laugh out loud--a first for her! She's trying to sit up on her own and is "talking" a lot now. One of the new favorite things is singing along to songs, and she smiles often.

Snuggling with Daddy

This Saturday, September 4, marks the 4 year anniversary since I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I call this my survivor day because it's the day I became a survivor. I am amazed at all God has done and am especially grateful that this year I have my miracle baby. When I was diagnosed we were told my chances for having a child were basically 0%(ovarian cancer survivors are rare to begin with and ovaries are very important in the baby-making process) but God, in his infinite grace, gave us our precious little girl. We are truly blessed!

Annive & Papa

I'm a big girl!

Photo Update

2010-08-02T10:50:00.005-05:00

Annive is smiling a lot and really loves the camera! It seems like every time we turn around is a new photo opportunity. Scott has really enjoyed playing with the new camera and loves the new subject matter!

au naturel

The Girls

Daddy's little soccer player!

New dress from Aunt Beckie

4 Months

2010-07-30T09:35:00.006-05:00

Annive had her 4 month check-up this morning. She weighs 11 pounds 14 ounces (18%) and is 23 inches long (14%)! She's 45% for her weight to height ratio. Dr. Romero was very impressed with how strong she is and with her progress. Although she was a preemie, she is meeting every milestone on time or even early.

She had 2 shots and 1 oral vaccination. We have now discovered the trick for getting her to take the oral vaccination; give the shots first. She did very well with all 3 vaccinations. She cried for about 15 seconds with the shots and then started smiling at the nurse.

Dr. Romero said that Annive is perfect!

Annive playing in her exersaucer

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

2010-07-26T15:06:00.012-05:00

Annive is 16 weeks old! Scott and I can hardly believe how quickly the time has gone.

BIG eyes! It looks like they will be hazel.

Annive learned how to roll from her stomach to her back on Saturday. I put her down on her activity mat for tummy time, and she rolled right over. She did it 3 times in a row, then I got smart and got the video camera to record her. Of course she wouldn't do it once the video camera was recording. She has rolled several times since but never when the camera is out. I suppose I should not be surprised; she is stubborn like me. We did finally get it recorded today:

She's smiling a lot now and most people think she's a "mini-Amanda." To our utter surprise she's a sleeper. I was convinced she wouldn't sleep through the night (I was 7 years old when I slept through the night; sorry Mom and Dad.) but she consistently sleeps from 9:30-8:00. I get more sleep now than I did before I had a baby!

Smiling for Mommy

I went to visit a friend last week at the same hospital where I spent 35 days with pre-term labor. Almost 4 months later, the nurses and staff remembered me. As one of them said, "Oh, you're the lady with the really nice family, all the visitors, and the miracle baby!" It was nice to see the people who took such great care of Annive and me again and show them pictures of the miracle baby. They said next time I need to bring Annive in person.

Annive has her 4 month checkup on Friday morning. Where has the time gone??

4th of July

2010-07-05T21:21:00.008-05:00

Annive wearing the outfit Auntive bought her in CA

Annive celebrated her first fourth of July over the weekend! We spent Saturday at the Harville's house with Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Andrew. Annive saw her first parade; she didn't like the fire truck sirens at all. Many neighbors came over to see "the cute baby," and extra candy was thrown at us because of her. We heard many shouts of, "Mr. Harville, Mr. Harville! Look at me!" because my dad was the principal of the neighborhood school, Winship Elementary, at one point.

Grandpa & Annive watching the parade

We also watched 2 World Cup soccer games. Scott says she is going to be a soccer player. The only time we've ever had the TV on with her in the room is for 4 World Cup soccer games.

Grandpa's favorite things to do with Annive are: put her on his head, tickle her, make funny faces at her, and bounce her on his knees. Grandma loves to hold her and make her smile.

Grandma & Annive

Uncle Andrew serenaded her with his ukulele. Uncle Andrew's quote for the day when Annive started crying while he was holding her was, "Here Mom (to our mom.) You take her. You're better equipped to make her stop crying. I did the ONE thing I knew how to do to make her stop. It didn't work."

Uncle Andrew & Annive

Happy 4th of July!

We had a great time with family, missed Auntive and Uncle Richard, and Annive, as always, was the most popular one.

Firsts

2010-06-29T07:04:00.018-05:00

Annive had many firsts in the past week!
*first vacation
*first airplane ride
*first time at the beach
*first time to be in the Pacific Ocean
*first time to hear the ocean
*first time to be held by Nana and Popop, her great-grandparents
*first time to attend a birthday party and a 90th one at that

At the birthday party

She did great in all of her firsts! I was a little nervous about the airplane but she was her usual happy self. When we got on the plane, the stewardess said she should be a baby model. As everyone was getting their things together to get off the plane, the man in front of us said, "I didn't even know there was a baby behind me until just now."

Annive loved the sound of the ocean. The room where we stayed in Encinitas had huge french doors that opened to the beach. We would crack them open at night, and she would fall right to sleep listening to the waves. We took her down to the beach one morning and put her toes into the Pacific Ocean. The first wave startled her but then she loved it by the second one.

Splashing in the waves

After playing in the Pacific Ocean

Smiling for daddy

Family picture on the beach

We visited with the Ardill side of the family for the first half of the trip. There was a 90th surprise birthday party for Popop, Annive's great-grandfather. Many members of the family were there, and Annive was a hit. She was passed around to all of the cousins, great-aunts, great-uncles, and great-grandparents. It was the first time any of them had seen her in person.

Annive with Popop, her great-grandfather

Annive with Nana, her great-grandmother

The Texas Ardills with Nana and Popop

Four Generations-Popop/Nana, Papa John, Scott, & Annive

The whole family at the 90th birthday party

The second half of the trip was spent with my sister and brother-in-law in Upland. This was our first time to see where they live, Richard's graduate school, and the very quaint town of Claremont. It reminded me of Stars Hollow in "Gilmore Girls." We went to the Los Angeles County Arboretum where there were peacocks roaming around the gardens. We played lots of games with Annive (sister) and Richard and went shopping.

The two Annives

Photo Update

2010-06-13T17:21:00.004-05:00

Memorial Day Weekend

2010-06-03T11:36:00.012-05:00

Annive went on her first road trip to visit Mimi and Papa John (Scott's parents) and Papa, her great-grandfather. She did great in the car; in fact she did better than Bailey who feels that he must stand up every time the car slows down or stops.

Aunt Jen, Scott's sister, held Annive for the first time, we were able to visit with lots of friends who have prayed for us over the years, and we visited Papa, who is 92, in Mt. Pleasant. Annive is his first great-grandchild, and he didn't think he would live to see her. When we called to let him know we were on the way and bringing the baby he said, "She's the most important thing." He wanted to keep her, and she slept in his arms most of the time we were there. He has pictures of her all over his house.

Aunt Jen with Annive

Papa with Annive

4 Generations

Annive went swimming for the first time in Mimi and Papa John's pool. She liked it and kicked her legs in the water. She already looks like she has a tan even though her skin has been that dark since she was born.

Annive's first swim

Bailey must not have felt he was getting enough attention. He stole Annive's purple bow (my favorite one) off the end table and took it apart. I found the bow part on the floor but the lace headband part was missing. The next morning he threw it up. It turns out he ate it.

Papa John with Annive

Mimi with Annive

The whole family

Big yawn!

Mimi and Papa John

Snuggling with Mommy

8 Week Checkup

2010-05-28T16:34:00.008-05:00

Annive had her 8 week/2 month checkup this morning. She weighs a whopping 9 pounds 9 ounces and is 21 3/4 inches long! She's now in the 26% for weight and 36% for length. When the nurse weighed her, I told her that it couldn't possibly be right. I thought she would weigh between 7-8 pounds at this appointment since she feels lighter than Bailey, who weighs 8 pounds. My method of weighing her up to this point was holding Bailey in one arm and Annive in the other to feel which one is heavier. I guess my scale didn't work that well. Or Bailey has gained weight.

She also had 3 shots and 1 oral vaccination. She did really well with the shots (only cried for about 20 seconds) but did not care for the oral vaccination. The nurse put some in her mouth; Annive promptly spit it up. And not just a little spit up either. We're talking "empty your entire stomach contents on the nurse" kind of spit up. She tried again after the shots but Annive repeated her exorcist projectile vomit on the nurse. Dr. Romero came in again to see if she could help, and finally with all 3 of us touching Annive, talking to her, singing to her, and turning the lights out, she cooperated and swallowed enough of the vaccine for it to protect her. We have a plan for next time; give her the shots first, let her fall asleep, then wake her up to give her the oral vaccine. The doctor and nurse said that every other baby they have ever seen loves the oral vaccine because it's sweet. Annive must be like her mom who doesn't like really sweet things. All the nurses still wanted to take Annive home; one even offered to babysit.

The really great news is that the spinal ultrasound was completely normal! The assymetrical crease at the base of her spine is just a crease.

Tummy Time!

Annive wearing one of Amanda's baby dresses

Remembering Maura

2010-05-23T18:33:00.009-05:00

May 19, 2010, marked the one year anniversary of Maura's death. We gathered with several of Maura's friends and family members to remember her and participate in Yahrzeit, a Jewish custom to commemorate a death of a loved one. (Click here to read the Yahrzeit prayer.) It was an evening filled with things Maura loved: yellow, sunflowers, Maura's chili, my black bean burritos, and music. It was good to spend time remembering her with people who loved her and had been together during her last days. There were a lot of laughter and tears; I think we all needed to cry together.

One year ago Annive Maura was just a promise that Maura made to me before her death. This year she is a reality, my miracle. Several of Maura's friends and family had not seen Annive in person. It was nice to be the mother of the daughter who made everyone happy that night, especially since all of my memories of Maura are from after she was diagnosed with cancer. Annive was passed around (I think at one point there was talk of a list of who would hold her next) and pictures were taken. Lydia held her first and didn't really want to share with anyone else. Katie threatened to kidnap Annive and sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow to her.

Every time I look at my daughter I think of Maura. I wonder what "Maura" characteristics she will have as she gets older. Many times when I am rocking her, I tell her about Maura and why we gave her that name. And although Maura is not here physically, it is almost like I'm hugging her again when I hug Annive.

Erin, Maura's mom, with Annive

Joel, Maura's dad, with Annive

Lydia, one of Maura's sisters, with Annive

Katie with Annive

Luciene with Annive

Jessica with Annive

Photo Update

2010-05-16T12:58:00.004-05:00

One Month

2010-05-06T10:20:00.015-05:00

Annive was 1 month old yesterday! It seems like time is just flying. She's now sleeping a 5 hour stretch at night between feedings. I think she would sleep longer but she's still too small and young to go past 5 hours without eating. By my estimate she's around 6 pounds, and she no longer fits in preemie clothes (other than preemie pants.)

To celebrate her one month birthday, we went to the mall. Really it was to buy Grandma and Mimi presents for Mother's Day. I had forgotten how nice it is to shop at the mall when no one is there. Later we went to Grandpa's school and surprised him. He was one proud grandpa pushing her around the school in her stroller and showing her off to all the staff and kids! One student asked if she was a baby doll. Another asked if I was his wife.

Tomorrow Annive (my sister) and Richard are coming to visit! This is the first time they will see Annive (my daughter) in person. We are so excited about their visit!

Wearing one of Amanda's baby dresses

Sleeping after Mommy's birthday lunch

Mommy and Annive on Mommy's birthday

Daddy and Annive before church

Annive before church

Annive 3-Weeks Update

2010-04-25T08:16:00.012-05:00

Annive is doing great! She will be 3 weeks old tomorrow, and weighed 5 pounds 10 ounces at her 2 week appointment last Friday. She's still in preemie diapers/clothes but is getting bigger. We also started using the cloth diapers on her and she really likes them. I read to her, sing to her, play hand games/rhymes with her, and talk to her. She's a really good baby. We started having her sleep in her crib in her room on Tuesday night, and she has done great with that. Of course I still go check on her often but it's a lot easier this way. She wakes up once in the middle of the night to eat but sleeps really well. We're blessed!

After a bath

"I'm mommy's dream come true"
1st time to go to church

Photo Update

2010-04-09T20:11:00.001-05:00

Annive is Here!

2010-04-06T12:27:00.005-05:00

Annive is here! She arrived early Monday morning at 2:44 am. She weighed 5 lbs 7 ounces and measured 17 3/4 inches. Amanda did great and is recovering nicely. Annive is now in Amanda's hospital room.

I (Scott) got really sick with vomiting and fever a few hours after Annive was born and have not been allowed to go back to the hospital since. I feel better today and hope to be back in full swing tomorrow. I am just thankful that the timing allowed me to be there during the birth and do the typical "dad" things, like holding up Amanda's head, cutting the umbilical cord, taking pictures, and taking the family members on the tour to see Annive for the first time.

Annive Maura

Getting cleaned up

Swaddled

The first photo of Annive

Today!

2010-04-04T18:16:00.005-05:00

Today we had a great lunch at Amanda's parents house for Easter. After lunch we were coloring eggs, and Amanda's contractions really picked up. So we stopped by our house to pick up the bag Amanda packed yesterday and ran to the hospital. Amanda is now admitted, and her water has broken. I am kicked out of her room now as she is getting an epidural. Her doctor, who she really likes, is on call and will perform the duties.

Here are Amanda's contractions. According to her nurse, Amanda is "really banging them out!"

Amanda is ready to party!

It looks like today will be the day.

36 Weeks and Nursery

2010-04-04T08:36:00.018-05:00

We made it to 36 weeks! I was discharged from the hospital on Friday, April 2nd after a 16 day stay. My doctor took me off the anti-contraction medication and bed rest on Thursday, and Annive decided to stay put. So now we are waiting. I'm having contractions every 4-5 minutes but they aren't changing anything.

We have been working on the nursery since I arrived back home. My sister, Annive, made all the bedding for the nursery, and a friend, Ann, painted the poem from Love You Forever above the crib and made the lamp. My sister explains the bedding here.

The changing table/dresser

The crib with the name pennant and Love You Forever poem

The quilt

The glider, curtains, and lamp

Room view from the door

The lamp

36 weeks

I'm allowed to stand up!

The mobile

Baby Shower

2010-03-07T12:51:00.019-06:00

The HUGE baby shower on February 20th was a lot of fun! It was my one big social event, and luckily we had it right before I went back in the hospital. We were blessed with many gifts, good friends, and lots of laughter.

I was released from the hospital last Thursday after an 11 day stay. Although I have contractions daily, they are under control with medication that can be administered at home. We're hoping to not need to return for at least 3 1/2 weeks when we will be at 36 weeks. Annive Maura looks great; the medications have not affected her in any way! Dr. Sam and the nurses were laughing about how it appears that she will be a live wire, full of spunk, and stubborn. She's a lot like her mom.

The queen and mom-to-be

Grandpa helping with the trash

Grandma and Mimi loved the initial socks!

Aunt Jen and Papa John

Annive Maura's first bikini

Lots of presents

The friends who threw the shower-Linda, Lisa, Sheryl, and Ginger

Back In The Saddle Again

2010-02-25T19:16:00.011-06:00

Round 2, Day 4

I'm back at St. Luke's with contractions; currently I am having one every six minutes. We are trying a different "stop contraction" medicine (magnesium sulphate) and increasing the dose. The goals are for my contractions to stop and stay away for 24 hours so I can go home.

Current Stats:

Dilated to 1 cm

50% effaced

-2 station

Annive's heartbeat: 142 bmp

My body temp: 97.5° F (axillary)

I'm a pro at this!

This information is very important!

(Amanda insists that I include that this is really Scott updating for Amanda, though I thought for sure that my use of a semicolon would have given it away)

Bed Rest Week 3

2010-02-16T14:49:00.005-06:00

I had my weekly outing to go to the doctor this morning. Good news! My cervix is still closed although it is more pliable than before. Dr. Sam says this is normal as the pregnancy progresses. He was able to feel Annive's head and said she's still in the right position to deliver. My cervix has gotten a little thicker than last week but is essentially unchanged. I had my glucose test but no results on that yet. They also repeated the FFN test (a test to see if I will deliver in the next 2-3 weeks), and it was negative! I'm still on strict bed rest but it's working. That makes me much more motivated to stay put on the couch or bed.

I met a lab tech worker today, Patti, who usually works in the regular lab but was transferred to OB recently. She is the one who has done all of my lab work for the past 8 months for my thyroid, and I had wondered where she was because she hadn't been at the normal lab. I always request her because she listens to me, I rarely bruise when she takes my blood, and she always uses the butterfly needle on me. I've shared my story with her before, and she's always been very kind and encouraging. Today she shared that she is also a cancer survivor and had been in remission from breast cancer for 9 years. She recently found out she has stage 4 bone cancer, lung cancer, and tumors that have spread throughout her body. She's started chemo treatments and has started losing her hair but continues to work and have a positive attitude. As I was laying on the bed having my blood drawn, she talked about how much she loves working in the OB lab because it's a happy place and how she finds inspiration from people like me who keep going when everyone else says they won't make it. She asked me to come by and see her whenever I'm at the doctor. I think I'll take the hats and scarves I have from when Maura and I did chemo to her next Tuesday. Maura would like that.

2010-02-09T15:17:00.003-06:00

I had my weekly appointment with Dr. Sam this morning. Good news-my cervix has closed and is no longer dilated. Bad news-I am now 70% effaced instead of 50% from last Wednesday. He said everything looks good, and the bed rest/medication combination seems to be working. I'm still on strict bed rest (the same conditions as before) but we are thankful that there is improvement. He does not expect me to deliver in the next few weeks!! We are still praying for 36 weeks (7 more to go!)

Bed Rest Week 1

2010-02-07T21:27:00.029-06:00

Here are all the locations where I've been enjoying bed rest for the past week. Bailey is my ever faithful companion.

Laying on the couch

Laying in the recliner

Laying on the couch with an ice pack-one of the few things that helps the headaches

Using the laptop in the recliner

Laying in bed with Bailey

I have an appointment with Dr. Sam on Tuesday morning to see how Annive Maura and I are doing. I'm looking forward to my big outing since this is the one place I get to go each week. I am still having contractions but they are not as frequent or as hard. The "stop contractions" medication has some side effects (racing heart, high pulse, and migraines) but it has all stayed under control so far. We continue to pray for 36 weeks. Thank you for your prayers and support!

Contractions 2

2010-02-02T20:43:00.003-06:00

I am still in the hospital for at least one more night but will hopefully go home tomorrow morning. The doctor said once I am home I am on bedrest. Basically I am allowed to take a shower, go to the bathroom, and eat at the table. He said absolutely NO cooking, cleaning, driving, shopping, laundry, working, walking...let everyone wait on me. I get to be the queen!

The contractions are much better. I'm still having some but they are much farther apart and not as strong. I will have to continue "stop contraction" medication once I get home and go in for weekly visits to the OB.

Dr. Sam said that ultimately he is trying to get me to 36 weeks (8 more weeks). The second goal is to get to 30 weeks (2 weeks) and every 2 weeks after that is much better for Annive. At 30 weeks she has a 90% chance of not having permanent damage or neurological conditions. So our prayer is "36 weeks."

Thank you for your continued prayers, support, love, and encouragement. We know God is very much in control...even in this.

Contractions

2010-02-01T21:31:00.005-06:00

So our exciting news of the day...I am currently in the hospital with pre-term contractions, dilated to 1 cm (I should not be dilated this early) and 50% effaced. They are on "stop contraction" (my term) medicine number 3 which is working better, although I am still having some smaller contractions. Annive is doing great. She's in a position to deliver, her heart rate is normal, and they have given her steroid shots to help develop her lungs in case we do deliver early. We are concerned because she is 12 weeks early right now but we know that God is in control. I will be in the hospital on bed rest (I can only get up to go to the bathroom, which I'm grateful for) until at least late tomorrow afternoon. Depending on how things go, I will possibly need to stay longer and will be on bed rest once I get home. Scott and I are thankful for your prayers, concern, love, and support.

6 1/2 Months

2010-01-25T17:38:00.010-06:00

Here are the latest pictures of my baby bump at 6 1/2 months.

In other news, my thyroid continues to be in the normal range although still jumping around within that range. I think the new medications have stabilized my blood pressure as I'm not blacking out or having dizzy spells anymore. Scott finished painting the walls and baseboards in the nursery this weekend. Bailey, our dog, "helped" Scott paint by sticking his head in the paint. New floors will be finished by Friday, and then Ann, my talented friend, is going to paint murals on the walls to go along with the bedding my talented sister, Annive, is making.

6 Months

2010-01-07T16:30:00.003-06:00

I had an ultrasound and doctor appointment on Tuesday to check on Annive Maura. The ultrasound went great. The technician (I've had the same lady all 3 times) remembered me and my photogenic baby. As soon as she saw me she exclaimed, "Oh, you're the lady with the baby that poses for pictures!" Yes, that would be my daughter. :) She was able to get all of the pictures they needed of her spine and kidneys and weighs 1 pound 6 ounces (plus or minus 3 ounces). I saw her yawning, sucking her thumb, moving her eyes, and kicking the ultrasound probe with both legs/feet when it was placed over her. As a tribute to 2 of the namesakes, my sister, Annive, and Maura, she was moving her mouth. It looked just like she was singing.

The doctor appointment was fine as well, although not as much fun as the ultrasound. All of the ultrasound pictures showed no abnormalities, and Dr. Sam was very pleased about that. He put me on 2 new medications: one that helps develop Annive Maura's eyes and brain as well as lowers my blood pressure and one that lowers my blood pressure. Really, it doesn't need to be lower since I already have extremely low blood pressure but it needs to be stabilized. I have had some issues with my blood pressure suddenly plummeting which causes dizziness and black outs. So hopefully these new medications will help keep things on an even level. So far the medicine has side effects of making me feel dizzy and tired. Everything else looks great! He commented that I am small for being 6 months pregnant but that she is measuring exactly where she should be. Actually, he said she is measuring perfectly to the day of where I am in my pregnancy. He was quite impressed that she's so accurate.

Picture Update

2010-01-02T10:40:00.009-06:00

Harville family picture

Relaxing in the glider

The baby monitor

Mom and me at the registry desk

Baby quilt fabric

Shopping

2010-01-01T17:45:00.005-06:00

This was the week of shopping and registering.

My sister, my mom, and I went shopping for fabric for the baby quilt. My sister is making all of the bedding, mobile, curtains, bumper pads, and crib skirt for Annive Maura's room. We found fabric that has birds on it with orange (Scott's favorite color), purple (my favorite color), green, blue, and a little pink. Of course the name of the fabric would be "Blue Birdie Diva" for my own little diva.

Do you know how many different types of pacifiers, bottles, cribs, strollers, and everything else baby related there are? Way too many! There's an entire aisle devoted to pacifiers...only pacifiers! For those of us who are Type A (me), this is completely overwhelming. However, I spent days researching every possible baby item imaginable to find the safest, most cost effective, and best brands. So armed with a list of detailed items, Scott's mom, my mom, and I headed to Babies R Us and Target to register. We thought it would take a few hours to finish. Instead we spent 7 1/2 hours registering for Annive Maura.

The entire time I kept thinking about how the nursery would look, how adorable she will look in all the pink and purple princess clothes, how much fun we'll have going on walks in the new stroller, how this is the year I'll have her in my arms, and how thrilled I'll be to get up in the middle of the night to nurse her because I never thought I would have her.

It's a....

2009-12-11T20:10:00.018-06:00

GIRL!!!!

Annive Maura. The ultrasound went great. The technician said she's very photogenic, active, and proper. She took over 80 pictures during the exam. Annive would not flip over so they could get the rest of the pictures of her spine, so I will have to go back for another ultrasound in the next few weeks to get those pictures. Another chance to see my baby. :)

She was resting her foot on the wall of my uterus...when she wasn't kicking!

Here's the profile of Annive's face. Her hand is right by her head. It looks like she's fixing her hair. What a diva!

A frontal look at her face. My mom says her chin looks like mine when I was born. :)

She is prim and proper - crossing her ankles in front of her.

She was exhausted from taking all those pictures. Look at that yawn!

Accident

2009-12-06T13:49:00.013-06:00

On Friday, I was rear ended by another driver on my way home from work. She wasn't paying attention at the stop light and ran into the back of my car. She fled the scene so I chased her down in the H-E-B parking lot to get her license plate number.

I spent the rest of my early release day (because of the snow) at the ER. My doctor wanted me to be checked out as a precaution. The baby's heart tones were 158 and he/she was moving a lot. The ultrasound showed that there wasn't any fluid leakage around the baby, my spleen, kidneys, or liver. I have some bruising and soreness from the seat belt across my stomach and on my lower back/spine but it's minor. I did have to get the RHogam shot since I'm RH negative. I was going to need it anyway but got it 9 weeks early because of the possibility of the baby's blood mixing with mine. Evidently this can cause my body to produce antibodies against the baby, which can lead to miscarriage. So after waiting an hour for the lab to type my blood, I finally got the shot. The doctor was thinking about possibly admitting me to labor/delivery to watch for premature labor but since I'm at 19 weeks instead of 20, the risk of this happening are smaller. Plus all of the tests were normal, and by then it had been several hours since the accident. Premature labor usually occurs within a few hours after the trauma. After 6 hours in the ER, I was discharged. We are thankful that that both of us are fine.

During the ultrasound, we were able to see our first frontal view of the baby's face. The baby turned his/her entire body to face the camera when the probe was placed on my stomach. Of course I would have a baby that poses for the camera.

Friday is the ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby!

Here are the latest pictures of my baby bump taken at 19 weeks.

Normal

2009-12-01T19:53:00.004-06:00

My appointment with my doctor went well. The baby's heartbeat is where it should be, my blood pressure is great, my thyroid levels are normal, and I weigh a whopping 116 pounds. My doctor said he doesn't expect to see any issues with the next ultrasound and doesn't expect any issues with the baby. His confidence makes me feel a lot better. Oh, it's so nice to be a normal patient for once. The next ultrasound is scheduled for December 11. This one will tell us the sex of the baby (what I really want to know) as well as any physical abnormalities (what my doctor really wants to know). He did say that it will be easier to see things with the baby since I'm "thin not fluffy." My mom and I had a laugh over that.

Last night I felt the baby move for the first time. Bailey (my dog) and I were sleeping in the recliner around 3:30 a.m. Bailey was sleeping across my stomach when the baby moved significantly (it felt like someone kicked a soccer ball for a goal), which caused Bailey to jump in the air and stare at my stomach and me for a very long time while he tried to figure out what was going on. Every time he put his head back down, the baby would move again, and we started the whole process over again. So my dog is my witness that the baby actually moved.

I'll post new pictures soon of my much more pronounced baby bump. :)

Thyroid

2009-11-19T17:59:00.003-06:00

GOOD NEWS! For the first time in a year, my thyroid levels are where they are supposed to be. YEAH!! So, my dosage stays the same for the next 4 weeks. Everything else is going great with the baby (17 weeks). The morning sickness is pretty much over unless there is meat involved. A lot of the same things I couldn't stand when I was doing chemo are the same things with the pregnancy. I have an appointment on December 1, and then an ultrasound a couple of weeks after. Scott and I are looking forward to Thanksgiving and spending time with his family next week in Tyler.

15 Weeks

2009-11-08T17:28:00.006-06:00

Here are the much requested pictures of my baby bump at 15 weeks.

Looking Good

2009-11-04T18:48:00.004-06:00

I had an appointment with Dr. Sam this week. Everything looks great! The baby's heartbeat was normal, and my stomach is measuring exactly where it should be. He is concerned that so many students at my school are going home with fevers over 101. Two were sent home from my class on Monday of this week. In other good news, my thyroid levels were in the normal range so my dosage is the same for now. Also, the bronchitis is clearing up. I'm not 100% yet but improving.

I now officially have to wear maternity pants since I have a more significant baby bump, and people are constantly touching my stomach (which actually doesn't bother me at all.) The kids at school put their ear next to my stomach when they give me a hug so they can hear the baby.

I'll have an ultrasound at 20 weeks (in the 2nd week of December or so) to find out the sex of the baby and look for physical abnormalities.

Bronchitis 2

2009-10-25T17:22:00.004-05:00

I have bronchitis again, except this time it's more severe and almost pneumonia. Baby Ardill is still doing great despite my lung issues. I have been banished to my house until I can cough without pain. No working, no cleaning, no cooking. Just sitting with a humidifier, cough drops, a box of Kleenex (and a dog who loves to eat Kleenex and has, since Friday, eaten at least 10), books, and movies. However, in the midst of this, I am reminded again of how many people love us. My parents brought dinner on Friday, my mom made lunch on Saturday, Erin brought enough food to feed us for a week and spent time making me laugh, Ann sent soup with her sweet daughter, Maggie, who's home from college and came over to take my mind off of being sick, and our neighbors made soup. We are blessed.

Maura

2009-10-15T18:19:00.000-05:00

In April 2008, Maura came into my life. Really I had known her family for a long time but was always better friends with her sisters, Danielle and Lydia, because of our ages. Our families went to church together, Lydia and I went to high school together, and Danielle and I were on the praise team together at our church.

I got a phone call in late April from a mutual friend who said that Maura had been diagnosed with cancer. My friend called me because I am a cancer survivor, and I am also a young cancer survivor. Maura was only 21. I remember thinking, "She is way too young" (probably what people thought when I was diagnosed at 24), and "What can I do?" Prayer was the first thing, and my friend said she was getting together a schedule of meals for the DeSouza family. I volunteered to bring a meal thinking, "Well, at least I can cook. After 2 years of people cooking for me, I can cook for someone else."

Maura's mom, Erin, emailed me a few days after Maura was diagnosed and started seeing an oncologist at MDA. She asked if I would come see Maura. I was finally able to visit Maura on the last day of her first chemo. I brought dinner and a bag of hats/scarves that I had worn during my hairless days. Maura still had hair but it was going to start falling out soon. When I got to her house, I was a little nervous. Number 1, I didn't know Maura that well, and number 2, I didn't want to be annoying and say I understood or any of the other things that some people had said to me. But I remembered that one of the things I really wanted when I was going through cancer was someone young like me to talk to. It's different when you're older...not easier but different. Maura was in a recliner when I got there, and a lot of friends/family were at the house. She cried when she read the card, I think about the part of I would take her cancer for her and having a party when cancer was finished. I sat on the couch and talked to her for a long time. She asked some questions about my experiences with chemo, and we talked "medical" stuff for awhile. Really I did most of the talking. She asked questions and I answered. Later her sister told me that it was the most she had talked about cancer since she was diagnosed.

Every week for months I brought dinner to the DeSouza family. Each time Maura and I would talk, and she began to open up more. At first she was really timid about what she wanted. She didn't want to inconvenience anyone (Maura had a servant's heart) or be a burden. I would tell her stories about things I had done because timid is not one of the words that was ever used to describe me with cancer. As time went on, I watched Maura stand up for what she wanted during treatments and hospital visits.

Maura would always eat when I came over. I made more black bean burritos than I ever imagined. She loved those things and would often eat 2-3 of them at a time. We had lots of conversations about eating and not wanting to eat. I think because I had been through chemo, I could get away with saying things that others couldn't with Maura.

School started back, and then I was diagnosed with cancer again in February. I wasn't able to visit her every week anymore, and our chemo schedules always seemed to fall at opposite times. Maura and her mom brought dinner to me after my first chemo in February. She sat on the couch beside my recliner and talked to me about my treatments. She understood about not wanting to eat (even though I did eat mashed potatoes for her.) Although our schedules didn't allow us to get together often, we still kept up with each other and how we were both doing.

In May 2009, I received a phone call 3 days after my last chemo. Her sister, Lydia, called to say that Maura's kidneys were failing, and the family wanted me to know. I honestly didn't know whether I should go to MDA to be with her or let her family have all the time they could. Maura made that decision for me when she asked that I come. The next day I went to the hospital, and Maura and I talked for a long time...basically our goodbye to each other. The first thing I said was, "I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I've been married, taught kids, worked with youth, done lots of things you haven't done yet." Her response was, "I wouldn't let you. You haven't had a baby yet. That's why you're still here. To be a mom." We both cried, a lot. She said when she got to heaven, the first thing she was going to do was talk to God about me getting pregnant. She made me promise that when I did have a baby, I would bring that baby to her parents' house so that her mom could rock that baby. She said it would be like she had a baby. For the last week of Maura's life, I was there. It was the right thing to do, and I wouldn't have been anywhere else. I had a place by her bed, and I would take the night shift so her mom would sleep for a couple of hours.

On May 19, 2009, Maura passed away. On that day I lost my friend, one of the few people who understood what it was like to be young and have cancer. I cried for a long time, still cry actually, and had nightmares for months. I felt helpless and had survivor's guilt because I really thought I should have died instead of her. I would have taken her place in a heartbeat. Less than a week after she died, I was in remission and didn't have to finish all of my chemo treatments. In June I was released to start trying to get pregnant (even though I was told not to get my hopes up and it was going to be a miracle if I did get pregnant.) On August 22, I found out I was pregnant. :) Maura's promise. So this baby is part of Maura's story, and very soon I will be taking my sweet baby to Erin and Joel (Maura's parents) to rock, hold, and sing songs to him/her. And my baby shower will really be 2 things-a baby shower and the party Maura and I always said we were going to have when we didn't have cancer anymore.

Dr. Sam

2009-10-09T18:46:00.000-05:00

I had my first visit with my new ob-gyn, Dr. Sam on Tuesday. He is a wonderful doctor who truly cares and answers all of my questions (even the ones where he probably thought I was crazy.) I was able to hear the heartbeat, after 10 minutes of the nurse not being able to find it. It was pretty scary when she asked if I was sure I was pregnant and had already had an ultrasound already. As I lay on the bed crying I kept thinking, "Why would I be here if I wasn't pregnant?" Of course, Baby Ardill is as stubborn as Mommy and was hiding behind a really loud artery that masked the heartbeat. Eventually they found it, and it was exactly right. :) The baby just had to do it the hard way...like his/her mom.

Since I have lost weight since my first appointment, my doctor prescribed some anti-nausea medication. Ironically it is one of the same medications I took when I was doing chemo. I can't take near a full dose but if I take it at night, it helps the morning not be as rough, especially with taking my thyroid medication.

My doctor literally laughed out loud when he saw my TSH level from 2 weeks ago. It had jumped from 4 (at the higher end of normal) to 28 (way too high) in 4 weeks. He said it was no wonder my medication had been tripled. I'll likely have to do some extra tests in the later part of the pregnancy if my thyroid doesn't stabilize, but that's not really a big deal. My doctor did make the comment that it seems like my body takes the most difficult route possible or has the side effects that are rare. Of course we already knew this.

Everything looks good though. He was very positive about my health and pregnancy. I'll have another appointment at the beginning of November and an ultrasound around 18 weeks to check for physical abnormalities and anatomy of the baby.

Bronchitis

2009-10-05T18:42:00.000-05:00

I was right. I have bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection. For now I'm not taking antibiotics because the doctor thinks it will clear up on its own. Since I'm a high-risk pregnancy anyway, he said to see if I get better in a couple of days. If not, then start the medication he prescribed. He did say I was good at diagnosing. Maybe I should be a doctor.

Sick

2009-10-04T12:20:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with a fever, congestion, headache, and sore throat. My fever isn't high enough to call the emergency number but still climbing despite taking tylenol. It feels like I have bronchitis with all the chest congestion (sigh). Of course I'm concerned about the baby.

Perfect

2009-09-30T17:12:00.000-05:00

The doctor called on Monday to let us know the results of the ultrasound. Everything looks "perfect" (their words), and the baby is measuring exactly where he/she should be. It continues to amaze me that given the odds, given my history, given my circumstances it is all exactly right. God is good, and we are blessed.

The new dosage on my thyroid medication is still causing quite a bit of nausea, and I still have significant all-day sickness. However, I keep telling myself two things.

1. I had chemo for basically 3 years where I threw up regularly or felt terrible all the time. Compared to that, this is a breeze.

2. Like the title of my blog says, at the end I get a baby. So I can have 24 hour nausea, even if it is every day for the rest of my pregnancy. I get a baby at the end. :) It's totally worth it.

Miracle 2

2009-09-26T16:50:00.000-05:00

Today we are officially telling people we are pregnant. I am 9 weeks pregnant and am due on April 29, 2010 (2 days before my birthday). Scott and I couldn't be more thrilled.

This baby is my gift, my miracle. Every baby is but this one especially. For those who don't know, here's the shortish version. I was diagnosed with stage 2 ovarian cancer in September 2006 at the age of 24. Originally the doctor said I was lucky because we found it early (ovarian cancer usually doesn't have symptoms until the end stages) and it could be treated with chemotherapy. I started chemo 4 days later and began a journey I never imagined. By December 2006, the cancer had spread to other organs and systems, and I was told there was nothing else that could be done. I quit chemo because it was only going to add a couple of months at best and got into a new oncologist. I was told the same thing but started a holistic treatment. By January the cancer had continued to spread and was now an inoperable brain tumor. I was using a walker and had wasted away to 78 pounds. On February 15, 2007 I was told I had days. But God had other plans, and I was miraculously healed on February 19. The cancer was gone, no trace! That was the first miracle for which God gets all the glory. No one else can take credit for that. Since that time I have relapsed 5 times, had 4 different types of chemo, and have gone into remission each time. Most recently I went into remission and have been cancer free since May 2009 and was released to start trying to get pregnant in early June.

For 3 years, we have prayed to get pregnant. For the past 13 months (with 4 months off for chemo) we have been trying to get pregnant. After everything with cancer, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis in January 2009. It's not really a big deal (in perspective) except my thyroid likes to be difficult and was causing a lot of problems with hormone levels that affect getting pregnant/staying pregnant.

Many doctors said getting pregnant was a long shot, highly unlikely, improbable. I was cautioned not to get my hopes up, and every month I did not get pregnant, I was crushed. But as I said quite often during my fight with cancer, "It will end in a way where only God gets the glory, where there is no mistaking it was Him." I believe that about this baby.

Fast forward to my ultrasound on Friday. The ultrasound technician was taking pictures and measurements of everything. All of a sudden she stopped and said, "You have very photogenic ovaries. We don't see this very often at all." It was all my mom and I could do to not laugh and say, "Oh they've had LOTS of pictures taken of them." And she said they looked beautiful and exactly right. The irony. She also said that the baby is "measuring perfectly and looks great." They're not really supposed to tell you that but I was glad she did.

I can't stop looking at the ultrasound pictures and keep pointing out every little thing to Scott. I think he thinks I'm crazy, although he was pretty excited about the pictures. They sit on my nightstand, and every time I look at them I can't help but think of how blessed we are.