CT Results

This one's about me, not my sweet miracle, Annive.

So here we are with not great CT results. Again. The CT showed "suspicious growths and masses" on my liver, kidney, and spine. My CA-125 level is highly elevated (normal for me is around 10; mine's 600 today). So, now we wait for the biopsy results. We should hear something this week or early next week. We're hoping for negative biopsy results, benign growths, pretty much anything but cancer. On the bright side, I feel great and have no symptoms!

We've been down this road so many times. We get less than wonderful results, we have to call people and tell them (the worst job ever), we have hundreds and thousands of people praying. Sometimes the results show the cancer has returned; sometimes it's nothing. Every time we cling to the hope that God is trustworthy and faithful. He has been by my side from the first time I suspected I had cancer, through the highs and lows, from chemo #1 to chemo #4, through hair loss, weight loss, being classified as terminal, signing my will on Valentine's Day, planning my funeral, getting ready for hospice. I know He'll be by side through this part of the journey too.

Many people have asked: "How do you deal with it?", "How can you be so strong?", "Why did you get cancer?"

How do I deal with cancer? I suppose I deal with cancer one moment at a time, knowing that God is greater than cancer and can heal me if He chooses. I've met lots of people who have cancer, and I decided from the beginning to use my story to help others. I made the choice to try to encourage others instead of feeling sorry for myself. It's a daily choice, even when I get news I wasn't expecting.
How can I be so strong? I'm not as strong as people think; I'm just able to hold it together, most of the time, until there aren't people around. Plus, when everyone else is crying, someone has to keep it together.
Why did I get cancer? No clue. I've had lots of people give me their well-intentioned "theories" but I don't believe for a minute that it's anything other than we live in a fallen world with terrible diseases.

I'm reminded of the words to a song we sang in church this week. My favorite part is the chorus.

Give Me Faith
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life.

So my prayer is that I'll have the faith necessary for this part of the journey. It will end in a way where there's no mistaking it was God. We are so thankful for all of you who have prayed for us, and we appreciate all of your prayers. We love you!